Just Like Me

Deja vu...

Fri, 09 Jan 2009 13:38:47 GMT

I've been away...lost...or probably hiding in the real world for four years...but I've found my voice again in a weird yet deja vu kind a way.

Many of my batchmates might, say been here, done that, seen the real world, explored other continents, while I on the other hand is hiding. Hiding the real me and my situation. I admit ego dominated me, I'm afraid of what people will think of me, the possible dissappointment that will come crushing through me. I've never been the kind of person that cause this things, but then a again I can't avoid life and keep on hinding, therefore I'm here again...trying to face everything by starting to write again. Hoping in the process I'll learn more things about life and what i needed to do to fix the broken part of me.

And yes...it is a deja vu...since the last real entry here is about saying goodbye to a person who have hurt me he is also the reason I'm writing now...it is like the saga continues even though I've been away...

I want to let you go...

Fri, 31 Dec 2004 06:02:27 GMT

Now that I already accepted that we just can't be together , that you can't love me more that just a friend , go and find the girl that you would really love someone whom you will love with all of your heart someone whom you will do everything for without being asked someone who will make you very happy just by making her happy.

You'll be much happier then and you deserve that and I'll go find myself a man who would really love me someone who would love me the same way as you would love that girl someone who believes that I too deserve to get the love that I give in return.

Then one day we may see each other again and when that time comes I know that we'll smile at each other because we know that we did the right thing.

Can�t Hide It Anymore

Tue, 14 Dec 2004 01:16:21 GMT

Sometimes I don't know what to feel anymore. I told myself that I don't love him yet recently when he is sending sms, with message that seems to have a little bit of jealousy I can't help it but smile to that fact some how he still feels something for me. I'm pathetic, am I? I know deep in my heart that he's still the one and that I can't seem to forget him easily. I always tell myself to stop it and move on but why can't I. There is this feeling that's not going to give up easily, this feeling that even though I get hurt again and again still pursue my passion to love this one simple yet amazing guy, without certainty that my love will be returned.

Each message and each hi and hello from him seems to be most relieving words that anyone can tell me. Each moment that I remember him, his image, his smile, his eyes and most especially the feeling when I'm with him never fails to put a smile on my face, a homely feeling in my heart like a starry sky at night. I'm here alone yet strengthen by my love for him a force that keeps me going, inspiring me to go on and reach my dreams.

I can't deny it anymore however I hide it and remind myself that I shouldn't love him my stubborn heart keep on fighting, because my heart knows that he is the only one.

About last time... (an open letter)

Wed, 01 Dec 2004 06:32:44 GMT

halu!

musta? ako okie lang, medyo bz with work....teka let me rephrase that �BUSY ako sa work�...as in....tambak! sa harap na ng computer ako minsan kumakain sa dami ng work ko...hehehe...pero okie lang it keeps me from worrying other things that makes life so complicated at times. well...I think I should get to the point of this email...about the last time you text...I mean sure we could still be friends who am I ba nmn para tumanggi sa isang proposal sa maganda... Thank you very much for your honesty and courage to tell me what you feel though indirectly mong sinabi negets ko, hindi nmn kasi ako ganoon kamanhid tulad ng inaakala mo, oo may pagkabato ako pero I have to be like that. It�s somewhat like my defense mechanism to something that I�m not certain.

I have no regrets, really! I just want to say it out loud what I never have said before.As I�ve told you it�s your decision now and you made it already. No hard feelings, I�m just glad that this time around I was given the opportunity to say it to you. Yun lang naman talaga ang gusto ko at least ngayon talagang may closing na. The chapter of my life where you�ve been part of the leading role has ended and I want you to know that it has been a privilege to know you, knowing you has been a great learning experience for me, and I want to thank you for that.

But still a part of me already know that I could not take back what I let go before maybe that is why it doesn�t feel right what might have had happen to us that night. Wag ka nang makonsensiya , kasi ginusto ko rin naman, though nag-aalinlangan nga ako. Ang hindi mo pagpaparamdam sakin okie din lang yon, minsan namimiss ko yung makareceive ng text galing sayo, pero nakatulong sa�kin yon para talagang marealize that what we had for 6 days is just an illusion, that I�m in love with the idea of you and me , but in reality it will not be possible. Tanggap ko na yon. The good thing with the whole situation is, in the process of looking for you instead of finding a partner I found a friend. A friend that I know will listen to me and will not left me. (drama na ito!)

Hay naku cge na poh�.mahaba na ito�kita-kits na lang pag-uwi ko�hehehe�=)

Ciao!!

Always,

Rheanne